Herp-a-Derp

 

Herp Derp:  An expression used when a person, or yourself, has done somthing extremely stupid and dopey

Person 1: Dude, I just hit my head on the door.
Person 2: HERP DERP.

Idiocracy.  By far the most underrated movie. If you have not seen it, go see it now. I’ll wait.

So, it’s great, right? Now, was it just me, or did you also come to the slow, horrific realization that this movie is more like a prophecy than it is a tongue-in-cheek form of entertainment? You might say that’s silly, that there is no way people could sit around eating tubs of butter while watching someone get hit repeatedly in the balls. Oh how very wrong you are.

When our protagonist first exits his Cryo-tube he comes upon a strange man eating what looks to be a  movie-popcorn-esque tub of lard. The program he is watching seems to be entirely devoted to finding inventive ways to hit a guy in the balls. It is appropriately named “Ow My Balls”.  Have you seen this years America’s Got Talent? I submit; Evidence A:

This is what we are considering ‘talent’? I mean, I’m really good at tripping over my own foot/the air/steps/my cats but I don’t think I’ll be going on national television in the hopes of being deemed talented anytime soon. This guy made it another round or two before being kicked out, so don’t get too worried, we’re not entirely neanderthal-ish yet, just partially. Of course don’t forget about the ever-popular Jackass series from MTV,  it’s essentially the same premise.

 The commonality is dumb people doing stupid shit. Mindless entertainment. One could so far as to say that the majority of programming has devolved into this category. Name literally any reality TV show – most all of it’s participates are famous for shamelessly acting like buffoons, and the real kicker is that they get paid well for it. We are rewarding idiots for being idiots and thereby perpetuating their idiocy.

 It gets worse though. By far, the most spine-tingly part of the movie was in their explanation as to why the world had regressed back to the days of one grunt meaning “Me hungry” and two grunts meaning “Fuck you. Me take your food.” A quick rundown goes something like this;

 Dan and Susie are married and waiting for the perfect time for kids. They are both incredibly intelligent, responsible adults. So, because the economy isn’t great they decide to wait before conceiving. Susie has a few eggs frozen and Dan does the same with his sperm – ever thinking of the future. They wait, and wait, and continue to wait until the most opportune time presents itself. Dan dies. Susie keeps waiting, knowing that soon enough there will be a perfect time to bring a little one into the world. Sadly this never happens. After decades of waiting, Susie dies. Her and Dan’s above-average genes now have no chance of being passed down.

 Then we have Chuck. Chuck likes women quite a bit and spends the majority of his adult life sewing his wild oats. He is among the lowest common denominator of people; unintelligent to the point of near retardation. It is considered a small victory every morning that he learned how to put on his Velcro sandals all by himself. Whats a condom? “Herp-a-derp, it’s a balloon!?” Yes Chuck, it’s a balloon. Chuck doesn’t practice safe sex because 1.) It doesn’t feel as good, 2.) Why would you put a balloon on your penis, and 3.) He’s an idiot. Thus, Chuck impregnates a similarly deficient lady. A couple of times. Plus a few other simpleminded girls on the side. Monogamy? Whats that? Herp-a-derp.

 Chucks children go about life in a similar fashion to that of their parents, as do his grand children, and so on and so forth. For every one child Dan and Susie didn’t have, Chuck had five. This trend eventually caused the intelligent breed to die out in a sort of nightmarish reverse Darwanism. Fudruckers is now Butt Fuckers, crops are ‘watered’ with Brando (it has electrolytes, it’s what plants crave), and recliners have built in toilets.

 Now, I’m not saying that the only people procreating are idiots. What I am saying is that idiots tend to do it in the same way that rabbits do; a whole-fucking-lot. Among many of the girls I went to Junior high and High school with, I am one of the few that hasn’t yet popped out a kid or two. They aren’t all dimwitted, nor am I any sort of Einstein, but there is a trend of people who really shouldn’t be having kids whatsoever becoming baby-making factories. Octo-Mom, anyone? Snookie? Bristol Palin? Sarah Palin? Any of the girls from 16 and pregnant? No, no, you’re right, they’re great moms.

 Idiocracy is the absolute worst case scenario if these trends continue. Of course our society would never let it become so heinous…

 Except of course for this: 

This:

And This: